Crossposted from my commentary blog.

Welcome back to the end of week nine to returning readers, and a 初めましてどうぞよろしく(pleased to meet you) to any new readers. For something a little different, this week’s poetry analysis is completed by AI.

The nuts and bolts

This week’s haiku were mostly short-long-short arrangements with only one long-long-short. Over half began with noun phrases, but there were two prepositional phrases, which was a bit unusual. Th syllable length was an average of 14 and the range was 6.

The Poems (critqued by AI)

The following poems were critiqued by Chat GPT. It did require a bit of training around definitions of terms, but in the main, the following is its work(If that’s the right word?)

long summer days

caught between cicada thrum

and tinnitus

This haiku effectively captures the sense of being caught between two contrasting sounds – the natural thrum of cicadas and the internal ringing of tinnitus. Using “long summer days” as the opening line creates a sense of time and place, and the juxtaposition of natural and internal sounds creates a sense of contrast and tension.

The haiku effectively captures a sense of impermanence and transience with its focus on the passing of time and the contrast of natural and internal sounds. The sense of contrast and tension could also be seen as embodying the principles of karumi and muga.

first autumn dusk

in the weathered pepper tree

not even a feather

The haiku above uses sensory imagery to evoke a sense of quiet and stillness, with the weathered pepper tree serving as a powerful symbol of ageing and impermanence. The final line, “not even a feather,” emphasises the sense of stillness and adds a touch of melancholy.

I think it also contains an allusion to Basho’s famous crow poem, which reads: “On a withered branch / A crow has alighted / Nightfall in autumn.” Basho’s crow poem is a classic example of haiku that uses natural imagery to evoke a sense of transience and impermanence, and it has been widely studied and imitated by subsequent generations of haiku poets.

In the haiku “first autumn dusk,” the reference to the “weathered pepper tree” and the absence of a feather could be seen as a nod to Basho’s crow poem, which also uses a withered branch as a symbol of ageing and transience. By alluding to Basho’s poem, the author of the haiku is invoking a tradition of haiku that emphasises the beauty and impermanence of nature, while also adding their own unique perspective and voice to the form.

The haiku effectively captures a sense of impermanence and transience, with the focus on the passing of seasons and the ageing of the pepper tree. The sense of stillness and melancholy could also be seen as embodying the principles of wabi-sabi and muga.

autumn cool

a snake seeks the warmth

of the house

Autumn cool effectively captures the sense of animals seeking shelter and warmth during the colder autumn months. The use of sensory imagery, particularly the contrast between the coolness of autumn and the warmth of the house, creates a strong image.

The haiku captures a sense of impermanence and transience with its focus on the changing seasons and the movement of animals. The sense of contrast and balance could also be seen as embodying the principles of wabi-sabi and makoto.

over tea

we list a litany

of ailments

This haiku uses sensory imagery to evoke a sense of shared experience, with the act of listing ailments over tea serving as a symbol of intimacy and vulnerability. The brevity and simplicity of the haiku adds to its impact, creating a sense of immediacy and familiarity.

The haiku has a sense of simplicity and naturalness, with its focus on a shared experience and the act of listing ailments. The sense of intimacy and vulnerability could also be seen as embodying the principle of muga.

before the tide turns

beach stones reflected

in the bay

This haiku effectively captures the sense of transience and change, with the focus on the shifting tides and the reflection of stones in the bay. The use of sensory imagery creates a strong image, and the sense of movement and change creates a feeling of impermanence.

 The haiku effectively captures a sense of impermanence and transience, with its focus on the shifting tides and the reflection of stones. The sense of movement and change could[Chat GPT stopped mid sentence here] be seeen as embodying the principle of Wabi-Sabi.

clamour

around an abandoned piano

loitering minors

This haiku uses sensory imagery to evoke a sense of abandonment and dissonance, with the image of the abandoned piano and the unattended minors adding a touch of melancholy. The use of “clamour” in the first line creates a sense of chaos and noise, emphasizing the sense of discord. [There’s also a play on words ie minor=minor key]

The haiku effectively captures a sense of impermanence and transience, with its focus on the abandoned piano and the unattended minors. The sense of chaos and discord could also be seen as embodying the principles of wabi-sabi and muga.

awoken

the lingering echo

of the rooster’s crow

This haiku uses sensory imagery to evoke a sense of awakening, with the lingering echo of the rooster’s crow providing a clear and vivid image. The brevity of the haiku adds to its impact, creating a sense of immediacy and intimacy.

The haiku has a sense of simplicity and naturalness, with its focus on a natural sound and the act of awakening. The brevity and immediacy of the haiku could also be seen as embodying the principle of karumi.

Final thoughts?

Writing this week went reasonably well. Visitors and work put me under pressure, but I didn’t feel as wrung out as last week. Playing around with ChatGPT is fun and a little scary. It does a passible job of broad criticism,but you’ll notice the repetition and the lack of specificity around the Japanese stylistic terms.

So

That’s it for the week.

Til next time,

じゃあまた (See you later)